Reprinted with permission from This Blonde Brunette.
Mi Amor...A Special Valentine's Reminder To All.
They say when you know, you know. This must have been true in some cases. It feels that way in mine. February is known as the month of LOVE.
Although to this Love Warrior, love is all day every day, but February is also Marfan Awareness Month. This is important in a way because the soul I am in love with happens to have Marfan syndrome; so, by association, I definitely push for more awareness to this fairly unknown genetic mutation. However, I don’t define my love by his genetic coding. I didn’t fall in love with his face (even though it did catch my eye as well as his height when I first saw him and didn’t know him at all), or his name, or even his charm; I fell in love with the soul inside. After years of dating, heartbreaks, and self-discovery; I felt as if I met my match. Not just another soul mate, but a life partner who I wouldn’t just give up on when things get tough. But among all the heartbreak I had prior to meeting my love, there was a lesson here. I wasn’t ready for this kind of love until I learned to LOVE myself. By loving myself I was able to walk away from the wrong people, whereas before I would stay in the wrong relationships that clearly brought me down, and hurt me; because I didn’t fully love myself enough to recognize that I deserved better.
Once I learned to love myself, I chose not to allow painful situations to take over my life. Because when you love yourself, you are intuitively alert to negative people and situations and automatically protect yourself against them by not allowing them into your personal space; let alone your heart, body, or soul. Once I realized this, then I STOPPED looking for love, and started focusing on myself. Before I knew it, and when I least expected it …the RIGHT love, MY Love, came into my life. I remember a woman said to me last year at the Marfan conference that I was amazing for staying with my boyfriend shortly after he told me he had Marfan because of all the health issues that can potentially happen and how not everyone can handle the depths and intensity of it. Apparently, her son, who has Marfan, had recently had his heart broken by a girl he had been dating for a year, who he finally told he had Marfan; she decided to break up with him shortly after. Yes I didn’t leave my boyfriend’s side; that was my choice. BUT THIS DOES NOT make me “amazing” and the other woman awful. Everyone has a different story, path, and choice. Yes, sometimes our life has its hardships, but who doesn’t have hardships? I rather have cancelled trips and days in the hospital rather than mistrust, cheating, or verbal abuse. Some of my exes have been physically healthy, but they definitely had unhealthy behaviors and, for lack of a better word, “empty” hearts.
This man, though, my own mutant super hero, may have some bionic pieces making up some pieces of his heart, but it’s still the BIGGEST and strongest heart I’ve ever intimately known. The trust and loyalty I have with him means more to me than anything else in the world. I wouldn’t trade all that he is for anything. It’s hard to find the kind of love that you know would never try to hurt you both physically and emotionally. A kind of love who protects you, puts you above anyone else, who sees your happiness as their happiness, and sees you as their lover AND their best friend. So no, I am not “amazing”; I’m lucky. I’m lucky that I found my soulmate, my life partner, my best friend; and I don’t see his Marfan as a problem. I see it as just another piece of him that doesn’t break him, but makes him the strong and inspiring man that he is today. I always tell him that, no matter how hard some days seem, to keep his head up and keep looking at the glass half full. I sometimes believe that, if he didn’t have Marfan, then perhaps he wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with today. Maybe success would have created a different man than the man who has survived hardships and had to grow up quickly into a humble good-hearted soul due to some of the hardships brought on by Marfan complications.
I believe everything happens for a reason, and in the end, whether you believe in heaven or reincarnation, it’s important to mainly believe that you are your inner SOUL not your outer shell. And no matter what happens to your shell, it is all part of a master plan to elevate your soul and to keep the love inside you growing. For anyone who is reading this who feels that they can’t find love because maybe their shell does have its times of hardship, such as Marfan syndrome, don’t give up. The truth is YOU ALREADY HAVE LOVE. You have had it ALL ALONG. It’s just waiting to be awoken, by you…inside of you. It’s the strongest and greatest love of all: self-love. Once you have that, no matter how long it takes or how much you have to remind yourself daily that it’s there; then perhaps like it did with me… someone else will come along. Someone who you deserve, who isn’t there because you NEED each other, but instead because you both are ready to put the love you each already have inside…together, to create MORE LOVE. And in that abundance you can enjoy life without need, or stress, or restrictions, or complications. Because remember: EVERYONE has hardships, some big, some small; everything worth it takes work; some more than others. And no one is perfect. But love attracts love, especially when it shines from within you. Don’t expect another person to complete you; expect them to rise up WITH you and roll WITH you TOGETHER.
I learned through experiences and also through guides. Such books like Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece Meets The Big O; and my ultimate ThisBlondeBrunette Love Warrior Guide: Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Mastery Of Love, which still influences this love-filled warrior’s daily posts and real life behavior every day. These are books that highlight with such simplicity and ease the importance of self-love and self-worth, especially in relation to our relationships with other people -- both in love of family-friendships and significant others. So my message to EVERYONE and anyone reading this is simple. Love IS inside you. You are LOVE. So you can NEVER be without it. And when you believe this, and truly embody it, then you may find that love is also all around you. When the time is right, the person YOU DESERVE might find you; not to complete you because you are already complete; but instead to enjoy an abundance to this life beside you, with you...together. Until then, don’t be sad, be HAPPY… no matter what comes your way in life, love yourself, love your shell, embrace your soul and your inner love… because there is nothing more powerful than the joys of love… you are in its power as we speak. Happy month of love, may it last every day for the rest of your life by awakening it with in. Much love from me to YOU. XO
(Pamela attended her first Marfan conference in 2015 with Austin Carlile, lead singer in the band, Of Mice & Men.)